Hi.
Did you miss me? (Forgive my sense of humor but I cannot help it. It is inherited. )
When my mother, her younger brother, my sisters, my cousins and I would get together we would just look at each other, someone would say something and we all started laughing. If anyone said anything we laughed all the more. We had such a great time but never remembered why we were laughing or what we were laughing at. But it was was the time we looked forward to the most).
Then we became adults. That is why I decided not to grow up. Grow wiser yes. Grow to improve myself and our family yes. Grow to appreciate life and all it gave and has to offer yes. But Grow up?? NO.
So while these topics and blogs are all serious, forgive me if I inject a bit of humor (I will let you know when) , , even if you do not enjoy it, I do. (Note:: Humor) .
This is post 2.
SERIOUS
Most issues that arise in life, both professionally and personally, are due to lack of, or poor, communication. WE ASSUME what we say or write is what we mean; we ASSUME that the person we are communicating with understands what we mean, and we ASSUME that we use words that convey both – meaning and understanding. ….WRONG (ASSUME makes an ASS of U and ME)
So, while many have said “WORDS MATTER”, I am going to start simply by stating as I frequently have,
“There are words that are spoken or written; there are words that are meant and, there are words that are understood. While they are the same letters in the same order with the same syntax, I have learned over time that they can, all too often, be quite different.
How many times have we written something and gone back later and reread it and say to ourselves, “DID I SAY THAT?? DID I WRITE THAT? Or – How many times have we been offended by an email that appears to be either so insensitive or so challenging of our credibility that we no longer want to associate with that person?
How many times have we offended others and not know why?
How many times have we got into a heated discussion/argument with one we love over such a small issue that we are offended, not by the issue, but by the lack of understanding of the other person.?
It is the words we use, how they are used, and the context in which they are used that are the real culprit. The right words in the wrong context are just as bad as the wrong words in the right context. So in a choice of the right words in the right context we have a 25% chance of getting it right. UNLESS WE PRACTICE getting it right.
We are often not aware of the words we use or how we are using them, or the context in which they are being used, and as such, the outcomes can be disastrous.
Lesson: In conversation speaking or writing: Do not respond or react immediately to a potentially emotionally charged situation. Listen carefully and tell yourself BE CAREFUL: ask yourself:
- What is the context of the situation? Is it just a venting or a situation that a response is expected?
- How do they perceive it?
- How does it affect/bother them?
- What would they like to see happen?
- Should I even respond?
Listening and asking is the best prevention from getting into a misunderstanding. If you are not asking a lot of questions, you are not a good listener and will be a poor communicator. Not only that you will be held responsible for that response. E.g. The person you are responding to will quote you; “Jack said you are stupid”or “Jack thinks you are an idiot.” Or Jack says “you do not know what you are talking about”
While that person may be acting stupidly and I may think they are behaving idiotically _ I would NEVER, NEVER say that to anyone – often not even to myself. I would prefer to know and understand why they said or did what they did. Only then could I be in a position to be helpful or respond appropriately.
Dr Jack
